REAL PAIN REAL ACTION

UCSD students protested repulsive racial incident (hanging noose) on friday, chanting "real pain real action" (or maybe it was "real pain real change" - reports differ). i'm struck by this slogan - as something so immediate and tied to personal physical experiences. AT LARGE, UC public universities have been plagued by increasing resegregation ever since they banned affiramative action in '96. FOR example last year- of the 15,259 undergraduate students enrolled at UCSC, only 413 were African-American. that's like less than 2%. i think campus movements are good indicator of where race debates are at on potentially a mass scale so like to keep track...

DAMELO TODO awarded frameline completion grant

super psyched to announce we were one of FIVE AMAZING FILMS to be granted frameline completion funding! it's such an honor and financial blessing to be supported along side these amazing projects...

IN PARTICULAR

The Fire This Time directed by Blair Doroswalther

doc about the "new jersey 7" young black lesbians who were unjustly incarcerated for self defense

The Owls directed by Cheryl Dunye

new narrative feature!! from the creators of the epic iconic Watermelon Woman

whitney biennial quickly

RASHAAD NEWSOME (made this video)

is someone seriously special you all might like

also fell in love with da SHARON HAYES installation

EVERYTHING LORRAINE O GRADY

also go see Aki Sasamoto perform on 12 different days!!!

totally lame do not have a decent pic of my alexander wangy art drag at the super chic vip thing - but anyway artist Emily Roysdon had the best look of anyone there thanks to artist stylist K8 Hardy:
WHITE LEATHER OVERALLS - no questions allowed.

emotional freedom

so Total Freedom and i are talking about starting another party... hope it works out! it feels weirdly athletic for me - every tuesday for 2 yrs kinda gets into yr body like clockwork. this would NOT be another wildness. we were discussing it in terms of performers and of course the question came up: would we charge a cover? wildness was always free, but what made it sustainable was the fact that the Silver Platter gave us a percentage of their alcohol sales (usually between $50-250 depending on the night). it was really like making no money at all, but at the same time it made everything possible. i SERIOUSLY DOUBT we will ever find another bar willing to do that. usually the way it works is that the bar keeps the alcohol sales and you make money off the door. these may seem like minor details but they really affect the quality of the night. so REALLY the question was, are we gonna start like a business venture or another soul partnership? reflecting on the relationships i've built at the silver platter, and all the amazing stuff that's come out of it, i realize i just don't have the energy to start another thing right now. not for a long time.

makes me think about the fact that FREE is an elusive concept. truly, a free flowing exchange of resources depends on emotional bonds - like building a family, looking out for each other etc. being gay i think this ultimately is like a sexual thing, like trading on mutual desire and energy. for me it's also a boundary thing, like having boundaries between money and emotional life. i both seek and struggle with these kinds of arrangements. it also makes me realize i particularly hated doing the last wildness at Grand Star because there were boundaries (not being allowed behind the bar for example). in other words, what we traded to make wildness free was our deep emotional investment. and that takes A LOT of energy. it was also the cause of our ending. because if we didn't care so much about the people we worked with we's still be there.

something my friend Leilah Weinraub once said to me that i always reflect on when i'm doing CLASS is about the word TRICK. it's a word that has so much complex meaning in communities of color that doesn't really translate into white/mainstream culture. TRICK it's not exactly sex for money but more like an explicit reference to the role that money plays in sex. it's something that gets talked about a lot at silver platter- like the difference between being a sex worker and simply being trans feminine. the ambiguity between dressing up for attention, a free drink, someone buying you something, taking you out, fucking etc. it's like a POSITION. and how is that not a part of every relationship??? just sayin...

LGL CLINIC EVERY LAST TUESDAY OF THE MONTH

g

LGL WELCOMES A NEW PARTICIPANT!

ALEXIS RIVERA!!!

(Transgender Law Center, TLC-LA)

<3 HEARTS <3

HOTNESS

WORK

next tues is LGL clinic #2!!! LAMELY i am still on the road (nyc for a week of editing Damelo Todo with Matt Wolf and Whitney Biennial opening) but also I must admit it feels a tiny bit strange and difficult to be working at Imprenta right now in light of the recent Silver Platter shakedown... especially martes. it super bums me out to feel this way because the conflict of a few individuals ought not to affect the community so much... and i know i know likely it doesn't for most people- things probably won't change much in terms of the actual scene at the bar, and therefore LGL will continue to have meaningful constituency. but i can't deny i feel suddenly (temporarily?) ungrounded from the place. when i interviewed Koky last week and he kept using the word inseguro, which translates to "insecure" but in context means more dramatically the feeling of having the floor drop out from underneath you. in my small way i feel the same.

for example it was surreal - to be at the estates/entrust lawyers office and see a copy of the Silver Platter's property lease. there it was, just a piece of paper with VANOWEN REALTY at the top. i mean, i have to same fucking lease for IMPRENTA... duh we are part of the same building. but it was kind of upsetting, like being a kid and finding out santa claus doesn't exist. i keep coming back to these parent/child metaphors. seeing the structure revealed in all its fragility. basically it's traumatic. it keeps returning me to the question of - what is the BAR??? a building? a business? the people? the block? the day of the week? the decade? are we ever really there? do we exist when we leave?? TRIP OUT.

why i'm interested in fashion

above all fashion is costume. it's the INDUSTRY of costume - so what better prism to think about race/class/gender? fashion is the direct link between appearance and money. fashion is in bad taste - admittedly a guilty indulgence within say activist intellectual artist circles for example. so this contradiction is deeply pleasurable for me to say the least - if not queer, radical etc. it's in the street, it works, it belongs to everyone. it challenges me to think about femininity in terms of construction of materials around bodies. it's feminine but not anti-feminist. feminine, as in a spectacular fabulous thing we can create and rule and there is no opposite counterpart to it. it's powerful whether we like it or not so why not engage with it riiiight?

 

 

 

more inspiration.

(EDITING DAMELO TODO AGAIN)

back in ohio = deep in da brain

 

 

 

 

(young soul rebels, sin nombre, ysr, party girl, born in flames, tongues untied, FMLN, the exiles, al otro lado, cabaret, nightcleaners)

TON IGHT

MAH GIRL CeeJé & CremeTeam

OBVZ PUT IN AN APPEARANCE

NGUZUNGUZU MOMENTS IN LOVE MIXTAPE

UNDERSTAND IT DOWNLOAD IT

CLUB LOOKS 6

club looks is sooooooo not as fun in the "WOMENS" bathroom of grand star but anywayz.... i call that dress the "boob sacks" dress because it has these empty flaps of silk gathered at the chest WORK for a transsexual. FINALLY getting to rock the officially beyonce video phone haircut (serious upgrade gift by SF cowboys and angles Michelle Fiona!)

OH MCQUEEN

rest in peace

visionary contributor

OUT WIT A BANG

LAST WILDNESS UNTIL THE WORLD TURNS RIGHTSIDE UP AGAIN

it was just like that. 

so the last wildness b4 indefinite hiatus just happened at grand star in chinatown. for those who are just tuning in here is why and why.

thank you one thousand sweaty bodies showing up and throwing ur dollars to support Koky's legal fees. we're not done with this chapter yet. but i can tell you officially wildness is over for the foreseeable future. it's a huge personal bummer for me and crew but the love IS FELT SO MUCH. thank you!!!

(damelo todo wrap party too!)

GAFFER MICHELLE LAWLER & DIRECTOR OF PHOTOGRAPHY ASHLEY HUNT

can i just be obsessed with gaby YES.

GUESTS OF HONOR

guest DJ wendy yao!!!!!!!!

MOMENT FOR ALL TIME SONJI KIMMONS

whoever this guy is next to me FEELS IT JUST AS HARD

AND DEN WE BURNNNNNNNNNED

pulling up the last cords of the piano last night, i said to ashland "i like HATE throwing parties" and he was like "ME TOO" - meaning loading all your shit into a random bar and trying to make it a fun place for folks to gather... BLESS US we actually NEVER had to do that until last night. i don't think i can ever express the extreme specialness of our relationship to the Silver Platter - especially through Koky Javier and Nicol. i was reminded of that like 1 million times last night, standing on the outside of the bar unable to get even our performer a free drink. boss man counting all his dollars and telling us hurry get all our stuff out. not that he was an uncool dude but IT'S JUST BUSINESS. thank god for the life of wildness it was never business and our thing got to be free because Koky and everyone shared EVERYTHING with us and supported us to the max. it never felt like throwing a party - it felt like opening our home and inviting all our friends in. i know it may seem sentimental and idealistic, but that was actually my experience. obvz it may not have been the experience of everyone who ever attended wildness, and i know to many people it was just another hip party (or worse for the haters) but i do believe that our special experience extended through at least a few layers of the community. do i dare to say that wildness built community. a community that is now without a place to exist - so it will end. as everything does... and i feel LUCKIEST to have taken part. 

the SILVER PLATTER is a BUILDING full of PEOPLE (really gay transsexual brown people!) - and it will always be TOTAL MAGIC. 

may it live forever and for fucks sake can Koky and Javier please be allowed to rejoin the family so that we wildness children can come home. there i said it once, it's my birthday wish, now i will hold my peace for whatever will be will be.

last kicks before OHIO/wexner ho...

CONTEMPORARY ART AUCTION FOR TRANS LEGAL ORG

(kalup linzy)

what could be more of a dream come true???

you buy da contemporary art

your money goes to a SUPREMELY RADICAL trans legal organization (Silvia Rivera Law Project)

think of it as getting to BE AN ART COLLECTOR FOR FREE - cause your money goes where you would want it to go anyway and at the same time you get ART. ya know?

i say put it on a credit card, bid over the phone, hop on a flight to new york. i might do all three. these artists are CONTEMPORARY folks - trust and BELIVE their value WILL appreciate mkaaay.

SMALL WORKS FOR BIG CHANGE  

FEB 18TH AT PARTICIPANT INC

ON TO A SERIOUS HIATUS AFTER TOMORROW

 

well, i guess it's better to burn bright...

to go out w a bang

to end on a high note

etc

EARLY WILD MAKERZ

 

on to da next era whatever that may be ;)