As WILDNESS finally makes it's way out into the world, i need to be blogging more. it's been hard cause everything's happening so fast- and weirdly secretive too: like getting into festivals, premiere statuses, publicists, sales agents, "buzz" -whatever that means... all of it supposedly in service to eventually getting the movie OUT THERE - which can mean a lot of different things. it also creates all kinds of drama- which makes it hard to hold onto why i started doing all this in the first place. so this moment feels really urgent politically- maybe not in an obvious way- but in a personal way that's tied to all the larger stuff- dealing with exposure and communication platforms. stuff i was thinking through all the time, but now that moment is here. what happens to everyone now that the MOVIE exists? it may be messy cause i'm learning, but i'll try to keep transparency about what's going on here...
also keep getting confused about when is the film actually finished?
it wasn't quite done at our world premiere when we had a MEDIA OFFLINE title card (OMGSRSLY amateur hour agggg). and it wasn't done at SXSW when we didn't have the spanish subtitles (ultimately wildness will b bilingual). and now that i'm back in LA for a min, it still feels not done because not all the most important people have seen it. ie everyone who's actually IN the movie- cause some people were involved in making- but others haven't seen a thing. and it's TERRIFYING to actually seek everyone's blessings. so we're devoting the next couple months to small screenings with folks from the silver platter and wildness... which each time feels so delicate. i already had one fallout (where i last expected it...)
movies are CRAZY real things. there's something about seeing your life through that media box/tv thing that we all take for granted as being informational... who is ever fully satisfied with a representation? i for one am never. having to do all this publicity and constantly chasing after journalists for corrections (for example calling the women of the silver platter "mexican men who dress like women" - cmon really??) i get what a potential bomb (like ticking bomb) a movie like wildness can be - because it's about community - and who cares more about our in/visibility than we do? i started filming when i had no plan to make a movie - the movie basically grew out of my life, it's so entangled with all the vulnerabilities, mistakes, and broken friendships - things that were not intended for the BIG SCREEN. and now it's frozen in time forever, fabricated into a story. gotta trust in everything that led up to this point and let go. or leap. or something...
(those shoes i randomly found at C21 in columbus sqare... rachel zoe ! weeiirrrrd)
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